new hair, good bye six inches of comfort.
new house, the tree house with k in a beautiful purple victorian house. 
new job, 2012-2013 school year.
missing 16 lbs.
liz in my arms in june.
a 3.7 in college. 

i have no concept of what i want or what it’s worth any more.

my mouth is swollen & i lay in bed thinking how easy it used to be to dig & pry my milk teeth out with my tiny fingers. 13 lbs down & where have they gone because nothing looks or feels different except food won’t exactly stay down. my nose has been buried in books & in research studies & it just aches but i’m not sure it’s from knowledge or stress. my thighs ache from six six sex & i wouldn’t mind if those ached constantly, fingertip bruises dotting my skin. i love you, i said it, when it felt safe because i wasn’t sure you would remember. play it safe. dangerous in love.

once again we have a roommate in the form of constant conversation & short term memory loss. he wanders the house after we sleep. i have an admirer of the stalker type. it’s very frightening & a hard line to walk. we are your teachers, not your friends. we’ll see if there has been any improvement when tomorrow comes. i am doing awful, awful in school. i’m embarrassed but i don’t have the energy. such is life. today it snowed, spring come now.

this weekend was real nice. real chill. i was running around with a shitty attitude all week but drinks & sex, love & friends set me straight for the time being. i overcame anxiety & stayed two nights for the first time this time. i washed the anxiety right off & down the drain. we laid in bed & listened to records while he slept & i read. i turn twenty-four in two weeks. i need a new style & a new outlook. i’m in love & everything’s fine.

(i need new hair, help, help, help.)

“don’t cut hair” didn’t last long.